“Where most young women expected flattery, she disdained it.”
Sonia H. Davis, Two Hearts That Beat as One, 2023, p. 42.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Love was not a shallow sentiment to Sonia. Throughout her life, she endured relationships devoid of genuine affection, and those experiences greatly shaped her views on love and marriage. In her autobiographical writings, Sonia described herself as a woman unmoved by flattery or superficial charm.
“Compliments did not interest her. She had the unique desire to be wanted for what might have been just herself, and not for merely a pretty face or being a meal ticket to a ‘gigolo’.”
Sonia H. Davis, Two Hearts That Beat as One, 2023, p. 74.
Sonia’s first marriage to Samuel Greene proved turbulent, and although she never fully elaborated on the abuse within the relationship, she strongly implied that his behavior was often cruel. While Samuel initially appeared suave and charming, Sonia resisted his advances at first.
“Have you ever heard that trite saying ‘Love at first sight’?” he asked.
She waited a moment, then added, “Yes, I’m sorry to admit that I’ve heard it nearly every time I meet a young man for the first time, and I’ve been hearing it frequently for the past few months. It does not flatter me one bit. I refuse to be swept off my feet.”
Sonia H. Davis, Two Hearts That Beat as One, 2023, p. 41.
Years later, Sonia would write two essays exploring the nature of love: The Psychic Phenomenon of Love and The Influence of Sex in Love, Marriage and Happiness. Although differing in length and structure, both essays examine love beyond mere physical attraction and stress the importance of companionship, mutual understanding, and emotional maturity.
There are currently two known copies of The Psychic Phenomenon of Love, both available through the Brown Digital Repository. While both versions begin similarly, their conclusions differ considerably. One version concludes with Sonia reflecting on the tragedy of those who pursue only “free love,”1 while the second expands further into the sacredness of marriage, parenting, and lifelong companionship.2
“We hear more of unhappiness in love and marriage than we do of happiness—except in novels and plays where both are plentiful; because unhappiness cries out loud its misery into the universe; it exhales its sad and bitter fumes upon the circumambient air disturbing the passerby as he approaches, but true happiness, ever serene, rests in the shady nooks of happy memories.”
Sonia H. Davis, The Psychic Phenomenon of Love, p. 5.
One especially notable feature of The Psychic Phenomenon of Love is Sonia’s inclusion of several passages by H.P. Lovecraft. These excerpts, later partially published in Selected Letters, closely align with Sonia’s own views regarding mature companionship and enduring affection.
“There is a universal difference between the romances of youth and of maturity. By forty or perhaps fifty a wholesome replacement process begins to operate, and love attains calm, cool depths based on tender association beside which the erotic infatuation of youth takes on a certain shade of cheapness and degradation. Mature tranquillized love produces an idyllic fidelity which is a testimonial to its sincerity, purity and intensity.”
H.P. Lovecraft, The Psychic Phenomenon of Love, p. 3.
In The Influence of Sex in Love, Marriage and Happiness, Sonia expands many of the same themes on a much larger scale. Spanning over thirty pages, the essay discusses companionship, marriage, aging, and the distinction between physical attraction and enduring love.
“If a man of delicately evolved sensibilities marry upon a basis of mental and spiritual equality, providing there be love and sufficient sympathetic and harmonious relationship between him and his choice, in the fields of the physical, the aesthetic and the cultural, he will find no need, as the years advance, to seek all over again his inspiration and ideal in some silly, bovine, flippant bobby-soxer. His ideals will have taken root where he first planted them, growing, flowering and richly expanding with the advance of the years, of which he enjoys the richest fruits.”
Sonia H. Davis, The Influence of Sex in Love, Marriage and Happiness, p. 8.
Taken together, these essays provide remarkable insight into Sonia’s philosophy on love, companionship, and emotional maturity. They also preserve a rare glimpse into the shared intellectual ideals that once existed between Sonia and Lovecraft.
Endotes:
- Greene, Sonia H. (Sonia Haft), “The Psychic Phenomenon of Love” Howard P. Lovecraft collection. Brown Digital Repository. Brown University Library. https://repository.library.brown.edu/studio/item/bdr:417627/ ↩︎
- Greene, Sonia H. (Sonia Haft), “The Psychic Phenomenon of Love” Howard P. Lovecraft collection. Brown Digital Repository. Brown University Library. https://repository.library.brown.edu/studio/item/bdr:417626/
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Note: Updated May 2026
One response to “What Love Meant to the Lovecrafts”
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